grandma shit on top of the toilet
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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