My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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