yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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