i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize