Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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