If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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