Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize