Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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