As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
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Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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