I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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