where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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