I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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