i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize