Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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