Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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