Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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