Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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