Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize