did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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