I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize