You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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