My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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