Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
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Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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