I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
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the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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