Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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