i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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