my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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