I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize