i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
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That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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