He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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