This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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