woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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