We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
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I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize