If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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