I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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