pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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