Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
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Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
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Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize