He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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