I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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