Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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