Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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