thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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