he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
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I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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