he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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