I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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