remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
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Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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