It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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