Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
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i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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