I cannot find my penis.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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