I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize